To Heal The Hurt
by nooni19
Summary: The Sequel to Unsub Unseen. The story of JJ's tiring and frustrating recovery. There will be moments of sadness and happiness as well as the tender times. And possibly a bit of action and suspense in the future.
1. Chapter 1

**Alrightey. Hello everyone. I am back. So this is the sequel to Unsub Unseen. You probably want to read that first for this to make sense. So I don't really know what else to say. I honestly don't have a plan for this. Though I didn't for the previous one either and that didn't turn out too bad. The first chapter or two may be slow going, but then we'll get into the frustration of rehab. And tender moments that I like to write because they are really fun and sweet.**

The team sat for a moment, waiting until JJ's breathing evened out before they had begun to talk.

She looked awkward, and if they were all being honest, she didn't look comfortable. But how could anyone be comfortable when your body was in such a horrible way.

They had been sat there for a long while. No one really knew what to say. They had been there for such a long time that when Rossi finally looked down at his watch he was surprised to realise that they would be landing soon.

"Guys, we should probably figure out what we're doing. We're landing in about ten minutes."

They all crowded around the table that Emily was sitting at. "Okay. Where do we start?"

"Well, most immediate is transport and housing. What's happening with that?"

Garcia spoke up then "Rossi and I organised that. We checked with Em and the house is furnished so none of that is a bother. It's only really transport. And we know that it has got to be big. I arranged a medical transport from the air strip to Em's place. And then Rossi and Hotch are going to go to the car rental place and find something that will be big enough for getting JJ around as well as having room for a wheelchair in the boot."

"Okay. But you do realise that she hated being in an ambulance when she got out of the hospital. When she finds out that she is going to be in one again I don't think she'll be pleased."

"I doubt she will be pleased. But I also believe that she'd rather get somewhere comfortable quick than hang around here. In this case, her pride is just going to have to take a knock."

"Alright. I agree with that. We need to be all set up by tonight, what are we going to do?"

"Ok. Well, considering I'm her main way of transport I'll go with JJ in the ambulance. Hotch and Rossi, you're going to get the car. Garcia, Emily, JJ and I need our stuff. I can make my go bag last a couple days but Garcia, and Em you could go to your apartments and get your stuff as well as JJ's. If she wants to go herself we can look into that another day I guess. And Reid you'll meet us at the house, and we'll get JJ settled in."

"That sounds good. The pilot just signalled that we're landing in a minute get ready."

The jet descended and the lack of wind meant that it didn't get jostled around which allowed JJ to stay asleep. Landing was seamless. Morgan and Reid hung back as the rest exited. Hotch helped Emily off the plane and the rest of the team set out on their missions before they rounded back to the house.

Now was the real challenge. Waking JJ up without petrifying her.

Reid held back, waiting for Morgan to take charge. He knelt down next to JJ, slowly lifting his hand to JJ's shoulder.

"JJ… Jayje."

Her eyes bolted open and she began to push her body far into the couch as possible. "Woah, woah JJ. It's just Pretty boy and I. It's just us."

Clarity sunk in, and she nodded, willing herself to forget her less than favourable dream. "Have we already landed?"

"That we have. You slept the whole flight."

"Oh right." Looking around she noticed that the plane was void of the rest of her team. "Where is everyone else?"

"Oh, they went to go and take care of some things. You know, getting clothes and stuff."

"Okay. Am I going to get my clothes from home too?"

"Maybe another day, but Emily and Penelope have gone to get theirs and are bringing some of yours too."

She looked disheartened at the sound of that.

"Hey girl, it's okay. We'll take you, don't worry about that. We just want to get everything else sorted first. So you ready to go?"

"I, uh, yeah." But she didn't seem so certain.

Derek looked at her for a moment and then asked "Are you sure?"

But in reality she wasn't sure. Because the weight of this situation was finally hitting JJ. This was going to be it. This was going to be her life. "I just, I just can't believe that this is real. But it is isn't it? This is really happening?"

He saw an unhidden sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry JJ. I really am. But yes, this is happening."

She exhaled, and reached her good hand down to remove the blanket that was covering her. But it wasn't that simple. The edge was caught on the velcro of her brace ad wouldn't budge. She kept at it, but inside it was killing her. She couldn't bend down far enough to reach it without it hurting herself. And if she were honest she was angry and sad. A whole array of emotions. She couldn't even do that. Remove a damn blanket. It was frustrating and it made her feel pathetic.

Derek and Reid were watching on. Both wanting to help, but feeling that they couldn't.

Frustrated, but resigned to the fact that it just wasn't going to work she looked at Derek. "Are we going?"

"Yep."

Reid removed the blanket and watched as Morgan placed his arms around the parts of JJ's body that he hoped he would hurt least. But even then a wince couldn't be contained.

"You okay JJ?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." She reached her arm up once again to try and help him out but pulled at the stitches between her ribs, making her breath catch in her throat.

"Honestly JJ. You're not heavy, don't put any extra stress on your body. I've got you."

She lowered her arm, exhaled heavily and resigned herself to being carried out of the plane. But as they got to the bottom of the stairs she saw the ambulance, which only made her groan. "Seriously, an ambulance again?"

"Sorry Jayje. This should be the last time, we just need to find a car spacious enough to accommodate you."

JJ sighed again. It seemed that that was all she felt like doing. Sighing. Because all of the news that she was getting wasn't making her feel any better.

The medics waited and allowed Morgan to walk over to them. "You must be Agent Morgan, and this must be Agent Jareau. I'm Mike and this is Pam."

"Hey. That'd be correct. And this is Dr Reid." Reid nodded and waved and JJ just nodded.

"Right, well we've got the address it won't take that long to get there. Just put Agent Jareau on the gurney and we'll get her strapped in and go."

JJ breathed out heavily and Morgan could tell that wasn't happening. "That isn't really necessary is it? I mean, she was just on a plane, and cleared the take off and landing without being that strapped down."

"Oh, yes, I suppose not. That'll be fine then. Just put her on the bed and we'll get going."

He did just that, and watched as they carefully loaded her into the ambulance. Reid had left in the car and was headed to the house to meet them. He saw the look of disgust and fear cross her face as Mike made his way towards her. He would have offered to help load her instead, but he didn't really think that would work. And if he was being honest with himself, if any member of the team was being honest with themselves, they had to know that they couldn't protect her from everything. Especially not her insecurities. They could only help her heal and hopefully make it through the hard time that was about to come.

Morgan climbed inside and sat across from JJ while the two medics hopped in at the front. The drive was slow and easy going. Morgan didn't attempt to talk to JJ, instead deciding to give her time to cool off. JJ was staring off into space, and Morgan was staring at her when he felt the vehicle suddenly break. Quickly he found his centre of balance, and immediately reached his arms out to stop JJ from being propelled into the back doors. She emitted a hearty gasp as Morgan helped to set her back against the bed.

"Damn idiot ran a red light. Are you guys alright back there?"

Looking JJ over he noted that she seemed slightly winded, but that was about it. "We're fine. How much longer?"

"Five more minutes."

"Cool thank you." And for those five minutes the ambulance was silent.

Arriving at the house Morgan noted that it was nice. Reid was at the door opening it up for them to go inside. Morgan had JJ in his arms quickly avoiding as much contact with Mike as possible. He seemed like a nice guy, but it was JJ that mattered now.

He thanked them and took her up to the doorway. "Well JJ, this is home. For the foreseeable future anyway."

She looked up at the house. It was nice, she had to say that. Definitely something that Emily would buy. Elegant outwardly in its features but at the same time understated so as not to show the wealth of the person who owns it.

Spencer followed the pair inside. "So the equipment should be arriving in about an hour or two. I got a confirmation call just before you guys arrived."

JJ cut in before Morgan could speak "what equipment?"

Reid looked at Morgan uncertain as to whether he should continue.

"I asked you Spence. Not Morgan. Now I want the answer." She was a force to be reckoned with even if she didn't necessarily look it.

"I- Uh- you know, just the stuff that you might need, will need during your recovery."

"Like what?"

"Uh…"

"Spencer Reid."

"A couple of wheel chairs, shower stool, another few stools to keep your feet off the ground when you're sitting, a grip for above your bed to help you get into a sitting position. And then a bulk pack of water block strips, bandages, wound pads and tape for you and Emily."

"I- I… why do you need two wheelchairs?"

"So that one can stay in the car and one inside."

"Oh. Okay."

"So Jayje, do you want a tour of the house, or to go to bed or what?"

"I've just spent the past few days in bed. I'll wait until night time. I don't know. I guess the couch looks good."

Placing her down gently he sat on a chair next to her and opposite Reid. Quickly taking out his phone when it buzzed he announced "What do you kids want for lunch? Rossi's buying."

"I don't mind. Anything's good. But could you ask him to bring back some coffee as well?"

"What about you JJ?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Come on Jayje. You gotta eat so you can take more meds."

"I don't feel like anything right now."

"Well that's fine, because Rossi won't be back for an hour at least. Chinese sounds good to me what about to you guys?"

Reid agreed and JJ just kept staring off into space not saying anything.

Moments past as they sat in the lounge all in their own little worlds. And then the door bell rang. The rest of their team stood at the door, bags in hand as well as food.

Spencer ushered Emily to a seat with JJ and then went back to the others to help. Bags of clothes were dumped on the floor and the food was brought into the lounge so that everyone could eat together before Hotch, Rossi and Reid had to go back to Quantico to fill out the last of the paperwork.

"Can we eat in here Princess?"

"Of course. Please, where do you think I spend most of my time when I'm at home?"

They all settled in and Dave began handing out the dishes. They spent so much time together everyone knew everyone else's favourites. But when he got to JJ he stopped. How was she going to hold the container, keep the flaps open to access the food and use the chopsticks? Answer – she wasn't.

The others noticed when he froze and had the same thoughts running through their head. Maybe Chinese wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Morgan, there are bowls in the cupboard and forks in one of the top drawers in the kitchen. You can dump the food in it. It'll be way easier. And can you get one for me as well. It'll be easier with my hand like this."

Truth be told, Emily could have managed, but she didn't want JJ to feel like the odd one out, as silly as it sounded. Morgan got back and gave Emily her bowl before dumping the contents of JJ's container into hers. Looking at JJ, he saw that it would be a long way from her lap where the bowl would have to sit, to her mouth. Grabbing a couch cushion he placed that down before the bowl and then handed her a fork before moving over to go and eat his own food.

Lunch passed quickly. They ate without much conversation, and shortly after Reid, Rossi and Hotch left for Quantico. Derek saw them out then went and sat back with the girls after grabbing a water bottle and meds for JJ. He had noticed however, that while the rest of them were eating their food, she thought it would be better to play with it. She had had some, but not enough to constitute a meal.

He sat back down on the couch next to her and watched her. She looked up when she felt him staring and was met with a raise of the eyebrows. She picked up a piece of chicken and forced it down. She did this a few more times until she really didn't want anymore, then began to lean over to place the food on the table but Morgan quickly took it from her hand replacing it with a pill.

JJ obliged putting it on her tongue before taking the water and repeating this process a few more times.

Once that process was over she settled back against the couch cushions. 'This is really my life now. All because of a psychopath.'

She was drawn from her thoughts by a question, and three sets of eyes looking at her.

"What would you like to do now JJ?"

**So, what do you guys think? : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favourites. This will stick as much as possible to the long process that a recovery is. **

**Also I forgot to say: I own none of the characters or anything like that. That all belongs to CBS.**

**2**

She continued to look at the three people sitting in front of her and sighed. "There isn't really much to do."

"Of course there is. We could-"

"What Morgan? Go for a walk, head to the supermarket, Go see a movie? That sounds great. Oh, that's right. No, I can't. Because I can't _walk _anywhere."

Morgan sympathetically tilted his head. "Just because you can't walk, doesn't mean that we can't do things we-"

"-could go somewhere, and I could get stared at A. not only because I will be in a wheelchair, but B. because I look like crap."

"JJ. You need to stop-"

"Stop what? Stop being real-"

"Stop interrupting for one thing. And no JJ, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. Yes, things are going to be different for a bit, but life doesn't have to stop. You can still do things."

"No I can't. "

Penelope thought it best to step in here, walking over towards JJ, sitting by her feet on the couch. "Sweetie. You-"

"Please." JJ looked at the three of them. "I just… I need space. I need to think. I just…" what she wanted to say was 'I want to just go to my room' but she couldn't bring herself to say that. In saying that, she'd be asking Derek to pick her up, and to take her to her room. And she wasn't going to verbally _ask_ him to take her to her room. She couldn't do that either.

But she wanted to be alone. To be really alone. And to not have to put on a show for five minutes. She was tired and just wanted to be alone.

"You just what sweetie?"

"It doesn't matter."

"But it does matter. What were you going to say?"

Anger starting to build up, she snapped "I was going to say, I just want to be left alone. Happy?"

This set Penelope back. "Oh, I… I- well" she didn't know quite how to respond to that. That was not the JJ that she knew. It was not her at all. It was a bitter, angrier version.

Derek and Emily could see the hurt on Penelope's face. But as much as Derek could understand JJ's anger, he still couldn't stand to watch as she put that look on his Baby Girl's face, so he stepped in.

"Okay then, I'll take you to your room." It had sounded harsh coming from his mouth, though he hadn't meant it to be. It sounded as though he was talking to a child that had just had a temper tantrum and was now being sent to their room as a punishment.

JJ herself looked slightly surprised but nodded her head, keeping from making eye contact with anyone. Staying as distant as possible.

Morgan got up and walked over to her, picking her up and walking with her down the hall. He got to what he was told was the main room, her room, and walked in. It had a big queen size bed in it. He was about to place her down but asked "Do you want to be under the covers?" also trying to keep a certain amount of distance so that she could vent on her own.

"I can do it myself."

"It was just a question. I didn't say that you couldn't. I just asked if you would like to go under the covers. So do you?"

"No thanks." That was the end of their conversation.

He placed her down and turned making his exit. He shut her door and headed back to the lounge. Sitting he started "well that was…"

"Not JJ." Penelope finished, sadness tainting her voice.

Pulling her into a hug he told her "It's okay Pen. She'll be back to the JJ you know and love."

"I hope so."

"What about you Em? You haven't talked much. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Emily. We know very well that that is not true. Do you need me to get Reid on the phone to list the injuries you sustained?"

"No Morgan, it's fine. And, I guess, I'm… okay."

"Alright. Okay is better than fine. At least we know that you are being honest. But just remember Emily, just because JJ is hurt as bad as she is, you're hurt too. Recovery won't be an easy road for you either, but we're here for you too. We all are. Got it?"

"Yes Pen. I got it."

"Speaking of you Prentiss, you are due for medication."

"Ughhh. Morgan, I don't need it."

"Yes you do Prentiss. Doctor's orders. And as long as we are here together, and you have Garcia and I watching over you like hawks you will be taking it."

"Yes Dad."

"Hey don't be getting titchy with me missy." He told her with a smirk. "I'll just grab them for you."

"It's okay I can get them."

"Emily, you have stitches, skin grafts, bruised and cracked ribs, need I go on? My chocolate thunder can get you the pills and drink. And he'll get me one while he's at it." She said winking and sending air kisses at Morgan.

"Yes Ma'am."

Emily couldn't help but chuckle and then certainly regretted it afterwards.

"You okay sweets?"

"Fine, fine. Just remind me never to laugh again."

"Aw honey."

"Here you go Princess. So guys, I am going to make a run to the supermarket and grab stuff to stock the pantry okay? Is there anything special that you guys want or need?"

"Strawberry ice-cream."

"Pringles."

"Lollipops."

"Chocolate bars."

He looked between the two of them and then said "so basically just clear out the whole junk food aisle and we should be good?"

Looking at each other the two women replied simultaneously "Pretty much."

He was about to leave but then asked "What about JJ? Is there anything that she'd want?"

"Apricot ice-cream."

"And Cheetos. Lots and lots of Cheetos."

"Got it. I'll be back soon, call me if something happens or you need anything. I'll be back ASAP."

"On that my chocolate god."

"So Em, want to kill some time watching a movie?"

"Sure thing. What do you want to watch?"

"Ummmm. Well I was thinking The Devil Wears Prada."

"Great, I'd say 'I'll put it in' but I know you won't let me, so I'll let you do it."

"Ah, you learn quickly my friend."

Hunkering down together under a blanket, they settled in for their movie session.

JJ heard the door close and continued to lay still for a while. She wanted to get under the cover. She had to prove that she could do it. She used her good hand to push herself up so that she was in a sitting position. It hurt so bad and her ribs felt as though they were burning through her chest. She had to reach her good arm across her sore body to tug at the blanket on the other side of the bed.

She was pulling but it was tucked in well. She continued to pull. And again. And then it began to loosen, before finally it came loose. She kept pulling and with one last tug it was all the way back. Breathing in and out through gritted teeth, she began the process of slowly and carefully shuffling over.

She was on the verge of tears when she was finally in the right spot. Slowly lifting her right leg, she pushed it underneath the cover, followed by her left one. Except that that was more difficult. Her inability to bend her leg at the knee meant that she was whacking her foot into the cover trying to get it to go underneath. On the fourth attempt she got her foot under, but that didn't mean that the process in getting it there hadn't hurt her. Physically she was draining herself of energy. But she wasn't going to stop.

Reaching forward she was stifling moans of pain as she grabbed for the blankets which she succeeded in getting eventually. Pulling them over herself she looked up at the ceiling. And then the first tear fell.

Looking back and the clock she noticed that it had taken ten minutes to get under the covers. Ten damn minutes. If that didn't make her feel useless she didn't know what would. As she studied the ceiling above her she began to think. She knew that she shouldn't have spoken to Penelope that way. It was mean, and the hurt written across her face was easy to read. It really, really sucked that she had caused that pain. She would fix it, but right now she was going to sleep.

Waking up, she noticed that not much too time had passed. Except it was different. She felt different. Or should she say, she had a feeling. That same pressure you get when you need to go to the bathroom. And now, she felt more helpless than ever. She really needed to go.

So she breathed in, and out. 'Suck it up Jareau. Suck it up.'

"Guys…"

Nothing.

"Morgan…"

Nothing.

"Penelope, Emily…" she said slightly louder this time.

They had been watching the movie for a little while when Emily thought that she heard something.

"Pause it for a second Pen."

And then she heard JJ calling.

"Jayje is calling. She must need something. Come on, let's go"

"You wa-"

"I am not staying here."

Walking down the hallway Garcia yelled out that she was coming. JJ was very thankful for that.

Knocking on the door JJ said she could come in and saw both Garcia and Emily coming in.

"What can I do for you?"

"Firstly, I… I'm really sorry Pen I just…"

"It's okay, I get it. It's forgotten. So…?"

"Uh… is… is Derek, I mean, well… I just, you…" She started, clearly becoming very flustered. Cheeks starting to flush as she started to push herself up, wincing slightly.

"What is it honey?"

"I… need… to… use the…"

"Oh. Okay. Oh… Derek has gone to the supermarket. Um. And damn, the equipment hasn't arrived yet. I- I'll call Derek and see how far away he is."

"NO! It's- uh, it's okay. I can wait."

"JJ…" Emily said.

"Nonsense, he said to call for anything. I'll be back in a tick."

And before JJ could stop her she was gone.

"Hey Handsome, how far away are you?"

"Like ten minutes why?"

"Can you make it five? JJ needs to go to the bathroom and she is really embarrassed about it."

"Got it gorgeous."

"Thanks hunk."

Emily had sat down at the end of the bed and began talking to JJ trying to keep her mind off of certain things.

Garcia stood at the door and was pacing until she saw the car pull into the driveway. Opening the door she ushered him in and he moved quickly into JJ's room.

Emily took that cue to leave and made her way out to the couch.

"Well Jayje, you had to go and prove it didn't you?" He smiled at her, pulling back the covers.

"What did she do?" Garcia asked alarmed.

"She just had to prove that she could get under the covers by herself."

"Oh. Phew. That's all."

"Okay JJ. You ready?"

"Wait. Can the brace come off here? It'll be easier."

"Sure thing. Do you want me to do it?"

JJ knew very well that she couldn't do it herself, so nodded. "Yes please."

He began undoing the velcro straps. Then he slipped the brace from underneath her leg. She gasped a little. "Sorry Jayje. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine."

"No it's not, but we'll move on. You ready now?"

"Yep."

He gently lifted her up, making sure that he supported her knee and walked her into the bathroom. Having learnt earlier, he placed her on the toilet, but waited keeping a hold of her legs.

"Garcia, is there a stool somewhere to put her feet on?"

"I… no. There isn't. A kitchen chair?"

"Too high."

"Okay. Well we'll make it work then. We'll just support them-"

"No…" JJ choked out.

Neither person had noticed her starting to get emotional.

"Jayje. Hey girl, it's okay. It's okay."

"No it's not. It's not."

"JJ breathe."

"No. no."

She closed her eyes and began to rock back and forth.

Derek handed over responsibility to Garcia for the moment as he left the room.

No. She couldn't let this happen. There had to be boundaries. She could never recover from that. No. No, no, no. She continued muttering to herself until she felt her legs be lifted up. Then she opened her eyes and saw the chair. She stopped muttering and looked at the chair. She was relieved.

Derek wiped the sole tear from her cheek "I'll wait in your room." And he exited shutting the door.

Garcia lifted JJ just as she had back at the hospital. She gave JJ space and then helped her again, calling Derek back into the room.

He carried her over to the sink to wash her hands and then took her back out to her room, putting her back on the bed.

"Do you want to have a shower now? Or before bed?"

"I'll wait until later. I can't right now."

"You can't?"

"I mean I just can't be bothered."

"Oh okay. That's okay."

"So sweetie, are you going to stay in here?"

"Ah, I think, can I come sit out there?"

"Well duh. Of course you can sweetie."

"Okay, that's great, but first your brace needs to go back on."

"It's itchy."

"It's doing its job. Immobilisation is key. That's that."

He speedily reapplied it before taking her back out to the lounge. Mid-walk the door bell rang and Garcia scurried to the door.

"Ah you guys are here with the equipment, great. Bring it in."

"Here JJ. I'll put you down then put the stuff away."

"No Derek. I… I need to see how much stuff I am going to need to get through this. I can't do that from the couch."

"Okay sweetness."

So he stood there, with JJ in his arms. The duo watching as the two men brought in item after item after item until finally it stopped. Garcia signed off and they were on their way. She turned around at that time and was met with three sets of eyes. But what was most distressing was the look in JJ's.

"Hey Jayje, you okay there?" she asked making her way through the pile of stuff.

"I'm… just a little overwhelmed. It looks like so much. More than Reid said."

"I know, but it'll be okay."

"Why do I need a walker?" she asked, confused.

"For when you start physio, so that you can practice at home. Then you'll use the crutches and then nothing." Emily answered.

"Oh…" JJ said quietly.

"Hey sweetie." Garcia said walking right up to her. "You'll get there. It'll just take hard work. And in the mean time we can totally put flames on your wheelchair."

This earned her a small, genuine smile, but not much else.

Looking at all the stuff Derek agreed.

"It's okay Jayje. It's gonna be okay."

**So… don't think that JJ is going to be so liberal with asking for help all the time, because she won't be. But in this moment I thought she needed to be. So what do you guys think? : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

"It's getting late huh? Too late to cook. Do you guys feel like take out? I can order something."

"That sounds good. Something easy to eat like pizza?"

Something in JJ's stomach did a flip when she heard that word. It didn't do much to make her feel good. But she couldn't quite place it.

"No. Not pizza." JJ told them dismissively.

The other three seemed slightly confused, looking at each other, but they decided not to say anything.

"What do you feel like?"

JJ thought for a minute. She needed to be able to eat it without making a fool of herself but then at the same time she didn't want pizza.

Truth be told, she still didn't have much of an appetite, but that wouldn't go over well. "I kinda feel like butter chicken. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is. I'll order that now gumdrop."

JJ was beginning to get that same annoying feeling that had been plaguing her non-stop since she was saved. It was the feeling of being tired. But not the tiredness that you can ignore. The tiredness that consumes every part of your body and makes you feel as though you are physically weighed down.

She allowed herself to slowly sink down deep into the cushions of the couch. It didn't take long before the weight finally took over and her eyes drooped closed.

Emily looked over and was the first to notice that she was asleep. Then she signalled it to the others. They had to admit, there was a sense of relief in the fact that JJ wasn't refusing to sleep. However, at the same time there was a different feeling that stuck out from the rest. It was a feeling of trepidation. In many respects, a fear of the unknown.

The three people sitting in the room with JJ had faced their own nightmares.

Penelope's had to do with her being shot, and the fear that the last thing that she would see before she died would be her shooters face.

Prentiss had the Ian Doyle debacle which could have ended without the deaths of all bar one of her former team. Her regrets about telling Tsia to leave Clyde and then getting shot still managed to sneak up on her in her dreams.

And the subject matter of Derek Morgan's dreams could be summed up with two words. Carl Buford.

But JJ hadn't shared her story yet. She hadn't said her statement. But they all knew that whatever did happen to her was going to plague her like a swarm of locusts.

The three sat contemplating in their own minds before one spoke up.

"Derek, Emily, what if… what if whatever they did to her was so bad she can't move past it?"

"Baby girl, don't think like that. That's not healthy for anyone. She is strong, resilient and brave. She is still the woman you knew, and she will prove that."

"But I just… if I feel scared for her, then how must she feel, having actually lived it?"

"Penelope, you just… you just go with it. She'll share what she needs when she needs to and it'll have to go from there. But oh, change of topic, I see headlights. Dinner is here."

Derek went to pay for the food while Penelope decided to gently rouse JJ from her sleep.

"Hey pretty girl. Hey time to wake up now."

JJ could feel the warmth pulling her back to reality, but she was so comfortable hiding in the darkness she didn't want to leave.

"No, no."

Garcia froze. Was it a bad dream? Crap. Crap, how should she handle this?

Giving her a gentle tug, she called out to JJ again, waking her instantly with a jolt and a gasp that caught in her throat.

"Relax sweetness. It's me. It's Garcia."

"I know. It's okay. So, why did you wake me?"

"Dinner is here."

"Oh great."

"Where do you want to eat? We can do the same as lunch and-"

"We can eat at the table. It's probably better for this. The sauce would probably just spill everywhere."

Walking back in the room Derek asked "So the table it is?"

All three women nodded their heads.

"Okay food is on the table. We just need to get plates and stuff when we get in there."

Penelope helped Emily up, and Morgan made his way over to JJ.

"Hey Jayje so… here's the thing. I have pulled out the chair and we'll sit you on it sideways so that your good arm is facing the table so that you can eat. And now because we have the stools, I put one in front of the chair with a cushion on it for your feet. Cool?"

JJ wasn't exactly certain what to say. She couldn't exactly say no to that. "Um, yeah that's cool I guess."

Lifting her was starting to become second nature now. And he was glad that she didn't seem to be fighting it as much anymore. Because it had only been one day. She had many, many more to come.

After placing her he went to help Garcia get the rest of the stuff that they would need to eat with. He knew that she had two wheelchairs for a reason. One for the outside world, and one that they could use indoors with her. But for some reason it didn't feel right. The girls hadn't noticed it, but he had felt it. Physically felt it. He had felt when JJ reached a new low in her mental well-being, when she looked at the equipment, especially when Garcia mentioned the wheelchair for use at home. And he just didn't want to make her feel that feeling if he was around. It wasn't necessary. But by all means, if she wanted to use the wheelchair he wasn't going to stop her.

Sitting down to dinner he looked at his friends. He was glad they were all together.

JJ had her butter chicken and the rest of them had their favourites too. It seemed to be going okay.

Derek, Penelope and Emily had almost finished their meals, and like at lunch, JJ appeared as though she hadn't eaten much at all.

"Gumdrop, can't you have a few more mouthfuls?"

"I- I'm not feeling hungry."

"We know that Jayje, but you have to eat."

"I…" and then she put a bit of rice in her mouth.

She took another mouthful and then the first flash came. It was quick. Just a second, but it made her feel queasy.

**She remembered the material of her bra being pushed back.** But then that thought was gone.

Shaking it off, she went back to the food. It tasted pretty good, and she was quite enjoying it despite the lack of an appetite.

But then she went back again. **A hand was pawing at her. Touching her.**

And then she was back to reality.

Her friends were getting worried. They were watching her intently and noticed how when she closed her eyes her brows furrowed. And then she did it again, but this time afterward she looked a bit sick.

Then there were mere seconds before she was caught again. **This time he had her pinned, she could feel the pain in her hand as it was pinned and contorted above her head.**

The three now understood where she was mentally and Derek rose and made his way around the table as quickly as possible.

**JJ could feel the sloppy tongue which now replaced the pawing and touching. Licking her, as though he was trying to taste her.**

And then she was back again, feeling completely ill. Her stomach began to roll and her friends could see what was coming. Morgan dashed for a bucket that was under the sink, making it back in time to see the need to vomit recoil.

But then the need come back again with a vengeance. Derek held the bucket for her as she threw up. He knelt by her side, as Penelope stood behind her holding her hair.

She continued like this until most if not all of her stomach contents were expelled. But she was still going. There were tear tracks on her cheeks, and during the small reprieves she was gasping, gritting her teeth through the pain and repeating a mantra of 'I can't. I can't. I can't.'

She kept up this cycle until finally something had to give.

And that something was her consciousness.

Her conscious mind could no longer take the pain of the memories in combination with expelling her stomach contents with bruised and cracked ribs as well as having a stitched up cut the length of her ribs. That pain became too much.

And she slumped sideways into Derek.

Penelope began to freak out. She didn't know what was happening. And initially neither did Derek. Then he checked her pulse and could breathe again.

"It's okay baby girl, she just passed out."

"It must have been too much for her body to handle." Emily said from across the table, a few tell-tale tracks running down her cheeks.

"I am going to put her in bed and clean her up okay? She can just have a shower tomorrow."

"I'll come help."

"Okay baby girl."

"And I'm coming too. I just need to know that she at least gets to bed safe and sound."

Morgan picked up the dead weight that was now the blonde and moved down the hallway following the girls. They turned the light on and Garcia pulled the covers right back.

He tenderly placed her on the bed and Garcia pulled the blankets rights up, heading out to grab a couple of extra ones because she knew JJ liked to sleep with many.

Emily took a seat by the door and watched the scene.

Derek dutifully went to the bathroom and wet two flannels.

The first he used to wipe around her mouth and clean her up. The second he used to wipe the sweat off of her face.

Penelope came back in with the blankets and fulfilled her duty and the three then left the room leaving a very wounded, very exhausted woman in their wake.

**Hello everyone. I am so, so, so sorry for the huge gap in updates. Life is crazy busy. Reports to write, mock exams in a few weeks, university applications, scholarship applications. I feel like a sinking ship. But, nevertheless, I churned out a chapter. Thank you so much for the reviews and the follows. They're really fantastic, and remind me that I need to get this written. So let me know what you think and I will get another chapter up ASAP. : )**


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

JJ woke up very unsure of her surroundings. It had the walls that were bare and similar to that of a hospital, yet at the same time it didn't have the obnoxious sterility that one would often associate with a hospital room. It was a nice room, and when she looked up it all came back to her. She was at Emily's house. What had reminded her was the handle dangling above her bed that she was to use to help pull herself up.

Lifting up her right arm, she grabbed a hold of it, and slowly but surely began to pull herself upright. The pain shot through her like a lightning bolt and she began heavy breathing, trying to expel the pain.

Why did she have to be in so much damn pain all of the time? Surely it had to stop soon. It was holding her back and she couldn't keep allowing it to do that to her. Pulling up she felt queasy and remembered last night. She couldn't quite remember everything, but had a feeling that she didn't go to sleep of her own accord.

It was 10:30 in the morning. And yes, JJ definitely had her times where she liked to sleep in. But being in bed at that hour just didn't seem right. It didn't feel right considering there were three other people in the house that she should be talking to instead of sleeping. Even if she felt as though she wanted to be alone.

She inhaled steadily and swished her tongue around the inside of her mouth. It tasted like vomit.

She remembered the night before having not felt well, and having Derek holding a bucket for her. Had she passed out?

But all that she knew now was that she tasted disgusting and that she smelt like sweat. She needed a shower. But the idea of that. Of that entire process made her feel a bit squeamish. She'd… she'd need help. And she'd need to be... exposed and, and well, vulnerable. And that was not very appealing. In the slightest.

But she stunk. She really stunk. And more than that, she really, really wanted a shower. So it was just another thing that she was going to just have to suck up and deal with. Because the truth was, they were her friends, and they were going to come and check in on her sooner or later.

Sighing she called out.

Sitting in the lounge the other three had been talking most of the morning.

"Do you think that she is okay? Maybe I should go and check on her again?"

"Penelope, she's fine. She must be sleeping. If she was awake and needed us she would call out."

Nodding she semi-agreed, though the maternal side of her meant that she wanted to go and sit at JJ's bedside until she woke up. Though that may have pushed it a bit far.

Garcia had helped Emily shower earlier that morning. Having her hand in a plastic bag made it a bit harder on her, because she could only use one hand to wash herself. And then the stitches where she had been whipped had had to be covered as well. She was sore and had a dull, never-ending ache after the shower, however it felt good to have that fresh feel about her.

The friends talked about what to do that day, and how to handle what happened with JJ the previous night. Everyone knew what had happened.

JJ had experienced flashbacks. And they seemed pretty bad. They wanted to talk to her about them but they didn't have a clue how she would react to that.

"Hey that's JJ calling. Uh, which one of us should go?"

"I'll go!" Penelope volunteered springing to her feet.

She took off down the hallway and barged into JJ's room to be met with her holding herself in her sitting position using the handle. Scurrying towards her she said "Here let me make you more comfy."

She fluffed up and readjusted the pillows and JJ could sit up without too much pain.

"Thanks." She stated shyly.

"No probs sweetness. So… how are you feeling this morning?" she couldn't stop herself from asking.

"I'm…. uh, well. I'm tired. And I feel… gross."

"Gross?" Pen asked, wondering if she had had a nightmare.

"I taste like vomit and smell like sweat Pen. So yeah, gross."

"Oh. I, I see. Well why don't we get you up and get you showered and changed so you can feel better?"

"I… yeah I…"

"What's the matter hun?"

"I… it's just… it's going to be hard and… and awkward. And… I won't be… I can't do… I'll need hel- and I don't, don't, I just don't want to, to, to need help." The woman finally admonished.

"Oh JJ. I… I don't-"

"I get it Pen. I'm going to need help with everything for now. That's just the way that it is going to be. But I just can't accept that. I hate being dependent. I can't even get out of bed by myself."

"Oh I…"

"You nothing Penelope. It's fine. It's just… fine."

"What would you like me to do you for you JJ? I know you hate feeling like you don't get to call the shots with what's happening. What do you want to do next?"

Appreciative of Garcia's demeanour JJ thought for a minute. "I would really, really like to get out of bed and have a shower. I feel truly awful."

"Okay sweetums. Then that's what we'll do. Just hold on a tick. Oh, Derek!" Penelope called out.

"So um Pen?"

"Yes my dear?"

"How are we going to do this?"

"I don't know, but we'll work our way through this and everything will just happen. But we'll try not to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable."

"I… okay. Thanks Penelope."

"That's okay sweetie." Garcia told her just as Derek entered the room with Emily following behind him.

"Morning sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" Emily asked.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine too. I had a shower and that was really good. And who knew it, but Derek can cook. Here I was thinking he was one of those men that managed to burn water."

JJ's lip pinched up in the corner and she looked as though she was about to smile. But the thought of herself having to have help to shower took that happy thought away.

Garcia noticed and tried to pull JJ away from her negative thoughts. "So JJ was thinking of having a shower, maybe we could get started on that?"

"That's cool."

"I'll go out and read in the lounge, I'll see you soon Jayje."

JJ looked up, muttering 'hopefully' under her breath.

"So…" Derek started. "How shall we do this?"

"JJ? Any preferences?"

"Uh, well…" she started to blush. "I kind of… need to…"

Clicking quickly both nodded their heads and took her to the bathroom. She went through her morning routine, brushing her teeth and washing her face. She was incredibly thankful to get the vile taste of vomit out of her mouth.

And within 15 minutes she was back to where she started; lying on her bed with Penelope and Derek staring back at her.

"Do you have any idea how you want to handle this JJ? You're in control." Derek prompted after many moments of silence had passed.

"Uh, I, uh…"

The pair just looked at her.

"Maybe take the brace off out here and put on the water block strips with my dressing gown and then be um… carried… into the shower?"

"Okay, that sounds cool."

"Right. Well I'll go and leave you and Garcia alone so that you can get ready. Just call me when you're done?" Derek asked.

"We sure will my chocolate thunder."

Looking at JJ she asked "So shall we get started?"

JJ nodded her head in inward defeat as she knew that there was no other way that things were going to get moving.

"Do you want me to start with the brace first?"

Nodding JJ looked down at her leg and watched as Penelope started to undo the velcro straps. Carefully she slid the brace from under JJ's legs watching as the young woman slightly screwed her face up in pain.

JJ had been left in her clothes from the previous day. After talking it through, and deciding the next best thing to move on to was her lower half, the duo mutually agreed that her lazy pants would go. But JJ was adamant that her underwear were to stay in place, which Garcia would never have disputed in the first place. That made her wonder about what had happened.

Garcia could see the tension visibly across not only her friend facial features, but she could also feel it oozing off of her body.

Garcia leant forward to start to remove the pants but then realised she wouldn't be able to with JJ sitting up.

"JJ hun, I need you to lie down so that I can take them off."

"I can help. I'll just push up with my good hand."

"No I don't think that that's-"

But she was cut off by JJ doing just that, followed by a sharp intake of breath before her arm collapsed from under her, leaving her to continue on with the roll distorting her body in the process.

In shock Garcia called out her name as she watched it happen, leading to Morgan coming busting through the door with Emily in tow.

"What happened?" he asked moving over to JJ who was lying on her side with her eyes screwed shut tight like cork screws.

"She tried to help but then, then, then she hurt herself and that happened."

Moving over Derek began asking "JJ? JJ are you okay?"

Tears streaks were present on her cheeks and the little droplets continued to flow.

"Fine." She managed to get out between breaths.

"Are you sure?" He asked running a finger over her bruised face.

She didn't reply, but instead continued to focus on her breathing in the hopes that she wouldn't start to bawl her eyes out.

"Do you need any help?"

"I just need to get her sweats off."

JJ's eyes flew open.

"_Just _her sweats." Garcia emphasised.

"Okay then I can help. Do you want me to lift her?"

"That would be really good."

And immediately JJ felt like she wasn't there anymore. It felt as though she was trapped within her own body. And they said that she was in control. But in reality she wasn't. She couldn't even push up her own body weight without tearing up from the pain. So she gave in. Her mind refusing to comprehend the situation before her.

She heard words be thrown around, some probably even thrown at her but she paid no attention. The only sign she was in her own body was the violent jerk when Derek touched her to pick her up.

Waiting a moment, he then rolled her and lifted her so that Penelope could remove the lazy pants.

All three people were shocked. At home, with the brightness of the sun her injuries looked so much worse. Bruises marred her skin; stitches held together flesh that had been separated. Her hips were such a deep purple it was almost black.

It was a sight.

Gently Derek laid her down on her back and was frightened by what he saw. Or more so, what he didn't see. Her eyes were blank. Lifeless.

As though those closest to her had also violated her. And he wanted to kick himself. 'You're in control.' That was what he had said to her. And just like that the control had been taken from her. They didn't even consult her.

When she was firmly back on the mattress her head lolled to the side and away from Derek.

He took that as a cue and left the room with Emily.

"Hey sweetness, shall I put on the strips now?"

Garcia noticed the lack of expression and accepted the simple head nod.

She made quick work of applying the strips making sure there was an air tight seal. The special bags that they had been given at the hospital were wrapped around her feet and then she moved up to talk to JJ.

"Bottom half is done. Top half now?"

JJ just nodded, allowing Penelope to help her into a sitting position, Penelope constantly supporting her. This was the awkward bit. JJ was all about her privacy. Penelope got that. But JJ was going to have to trust her now.

"Jayje?"

JJ continued to look blank.

"JJ you don't need to look at me, but I need you to listen. I need to take your top off. I know you don't have a bra on, so you're going to just have to trust me. Plus, I need to put the strip between your ribs."

Garcia watched JJ heartily gulp.

She wasn't really ready for that. Being looked at. Being touched. Even if it was by Penelope it didn't feel right. **The tongue. **That was all she could think about. **His mouth on her. Consuming her. **But she tried to block it. She started counting.

She nodded her head, but internally she kept counting.

She raised her arms when she was asked and felt the cool air hit her skin. **Just like that night. **Counting. She just had to keep counting.

Penelope laid her back down and started with the strip. She felt bad when she heard the small gasps that she knew were because of her. Because of the pain that the application of the strip was causing.

A bag was put on her arm and she was almost ready.

Once the dressing gown was on her, Derek was called back in and they moved seamlessly into the bathroom. However JJ was still lifeless. When Garcia accidently dropped the stool JJ's body went as stiff as a board. She was trapped in her head and Derek couldn't get her out.

'1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Keep counting.'

The shower was finished with quickly. Garcia washed her hair and the parts of her body that she couldn't reach.

She was dried off as much as possible before being returned to the bed. That was Derek's cue to leave. Garcia gently took off all of her protection strips and replaced them with gauze strips. She removed the bags and they were on the home stretch.

"JJ? Jayje?"

Nothing.

"JJ. We need to finish with your bottom half. You are still in your wet underwear. That needs to be changed. I don't mind but I know tha-"

"NO."

Penelope had expected that to elicit a response. But not such a quick or definitive one.

"JJ, good you're still in there." She said trying to get a small smile.

It didn't work.

"What about if I cover you with a towel and lift your legs so that you can use your good hand to push them down a bit? Then I can take them and put new ones on and lift your legs so that you can pull them up?"

JJ nodded.

Thankfully that worked without too much grief. And JJ was spared what she felt would be even more humiliation.

Now Garcia was wondering how to handle the next steps. To get her to actually eat some breakfast and get her to talk. Not a lot, but just enough so that they knew JJ was still in there.

**Hey guys. Thanks so much for reviews/ follows/ favourites. **

**So I wrote this chapter because I was considering burning my chemistry book because I loathe it so much. But I thought this may be a better use of my time. **

**Okay but importantly:**

**Pairing. I have been asked a few times whether I will do a pairing. Honestly, it was never my intention, it was just going to be super strong friendship. But what do you guys think/ want? I know some people are reading this, so to you guys; do you want that? Because I hadn't thought about it. **

**Please let me know about that and what you think in general. Thanks guys. Soooo much. : )**


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